Episode 67: Setting New Year's Resolutions That You'll Actually Reach with Dr. Diane Gilman, PsyD
Show Summary:
How many times have you set a new year's resolution but failed to keep it? Will this be the year that you make a change that lasts?
Today’s conversation with Dr. Diane Gilman is all about what you can do to set effective new year's resolutions that will stick and help you to become the version of yourself you’ve always envisioned.
Diane is a psychologist who has been working with our practice from the beginning. Diane specializes in the treatment of conditions including chronic pain, anxiety, depression, phobias, and difficulty adjusting to life changes and relationship stress.
We hope this conversation inspires you to set yourself up for success and reach your health goals in the new year. Please enjoy!
Timestamps:
0:00 - Introduction
4:41 - What does Dr. Gilman think about new year’s resolutions?
5:18 - What mistakes do people make when setting goals?
13:24 - Should you always make a new year’s resolution?
14:40 - How does Dr. Gilman help her clients to set effective goals?
16:38 - How do you keep up with a resolution?
22:20 - Mindset and making yourself someone you’re not
23:58 - How many resolutions are too many?
25:13 - Seasonality and goals
27:45 - What happens if you fall off track?
31:20 - What is one resolution everyone could benefit from?
32:49 - One thing under $20 that has transformed Dr. Gilman’s health
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Full Transcript:
Dr. Diane Gilman:
You're going about a New Year's resolution, trying to make yourself somebody that you're not. That's really unhealthy. I'm always focused on people's relationships with themselves. It's the number one relationship that we will always have. And so setting a new year's resolution to change yourself into an ideal, rather than a realistic view of who you are, is damaging to that relationship. So if you can set a new year's resolution that works with who you already are, and accepting who you already are, because a lot of the resolutions come out of like a sense of disgust or disdain, or intolerance, like I don't like the way I am currently, and so I need to change. That's never a good jump off point. First of all, to maintain success, but second of all, to it really is disruptive to our relationships with ourselves.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Happy Holidays, and happy early New Year to everyone listening here. We're so glad that you've been listening for now over a year Capitol Integrative Health podcast has been been out to all of our guests that have been on over the past over a year. Now, some repeat, you know, as well, whether they're members at ch or whether they're special guests that are local or national, we really had an amazing lineup. And we want to continue to do that and offer that service to the community for education empowerment, on really how to redefine what it means to be healthy. Understanding the root causes of both disease and wellness, which is really the point of this whole podcast here at Capitol integrative health. So let's talk today since it's going to be nears in about a week or so about New Year's resolutions. And I'm sorry, if you're listening to this, if that kind of triggers you to kind of all the memories of the failed New Year's resolutions you've had before. And it's very possible that you know, you may not want to have new year's resolutions, if so this is the podcast for you as well, because Dr. Diane Gilman, who's our amazing psychologist here at ch that's been working with our practice from the beginning is gonna be talking about New Year's resolutions, but also alternatives to setting you know, different types of goals, different types of mindset shifts that that were really interesting to kind of hear about that I didn't know about. Dr. Gilman, Dr. Diane, she specialized in the treatment of conditions including for chronic pain, chronic illness, and also difficulty adjusting to life changes in relationship stress. But if you are in that kind of group of people that wants to make a New Year's resolution, how do you make a change that lasts? How do you make a change that lasts past February past March. So Dr. Gilman is going to talk about today. Also what you can do to set effective New Year's resolutions that will stick and help you to become the version of yourself that you've always envisioned whether it's this year or previous years. So we hope this conversation inspires you to set yourself up for success and reach your health goals in the new year. Again, happy holidays and from all of us at CH and we hope you enjoy it. Welcome back to and great to see you again.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Thank you. Thanks for having me back.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
So we had Diane on our podcast last year for episode number 17. How to handle stress and burnout during the pandemic. And if you haven't listened to ready, it's a great conversation full of tips for setting boundaries and self care. So definitely check that out. I'm so glad to have you back for round two and let's talk about your travel for a sec. We know that you you're a world traveler jet setter here.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
I try to be Yeah,
Dr. Andrew Wong:
yes. How's that been going? What What have you been up to lately?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Oh, good. So I've actually been really privileged since COVID ended. I got to spend three weeks in Central America, in Guatemala and El Salvador in Panama learning about indigenous healing ceremonies, which was really beautiful. It's so neat to learn about, you know, how people heal around the world. And then I just actually got back this week from the Arctic Circle in Norway watching the Aurora and the whales and the reindeer. And yeah, we got to meet with indigenous cultures there too.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
So it's really nice. Did you see Santa Claus there at all?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
No, he didn't make an appearance. I think it's alright.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
It is it is he's just still up at the North Pole. Anyway, we are about the time of you know, go into the New Year very soon. So the topic today is talking about New Year's resolutions. And at this time if you're many of us are setting our sights in the new year with hopes and for you know, changing our habits or establishing new goals that we kind of want to achieve and things like that. So as a psychologist, first of all, what do you think about New Year's resolutions?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
You know, I think they're a really touchy subject for people. I think that a lot of people get trapped really, really easy that the spirit of making New Year's intention is really beautiful. And then I think logistically, people have a really hard time following through and By the spring it gets a little bit dicey for people to keep them going.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
It literally looks good on paper, but then it kind of disintegrates over time, it was like that was happening. Yeah, exactly what mistakes you typically see people making when they set those resolutions in general.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, so quite a few that we can go over today, because I think this is really going to help people who really are listening and do want to set these intentions and follow through. So the first one that I see most often is people are setting resolutions and goals that are idealistic, not realistic. So we all kind of have these ideals, you know, I want to get in shape, or I want to drink, you know, blank ounces of water a day, I want to lose this much weight, I want to you know, visit 27 countries this year, if you're like me, you know, and the truth is, is that you have to think about the person you're setting the intention for which is yourself. So if you are a person who, let's say you set an intention to drink, you know, 70 ounces of water a day. But if you're a person that doesn't like to drink water, and you most often drink soda, or an alcoholic beverage, or maybe you don't like to drink water, when it's cold outside, etc, you might go out and buy all the water bottles to support this intention, and maybe like some cool wood drops to make the water be flavored. But at the end of the day, you're not a person who likes to drink water. So this is not a good intention for you. Realistically speaking, it might be helpful then to say, you know, I'd like to drink more water and see how that goes instead. So a lot of times people are making these resolutions for just not themselves, some sort of idealized version of themselves, which is really an uncompassionate way to go about trying to set your path forward in the new year. So that's the first one that I see quite often. Um, another one that I see is the goals aren't really like personalized towards them. So like, say drinking water again, it might be like, I only like water that's flavored, so why don't I try drinking more flavored water, or I only like going to the gym, you know, on certain days of the week. So let's let's not set it for every single day, I don't like to wake up early in the morning. So let's maybe not sleep in just on the weekends, let's say. So again, really thinking about the person yourself that you're setting the goal for. And another one is, I see this quite a bit is people have the same resolutions every year. So every year, they're like, this is the year that I'm going to fill in the blank, this is the year that I'm going to lose all the way this is the year that I'm going to buy the house, this is the year that I'm gonna get a boyfriend, whatever it is. And it's like, you know, Einstein has this beautiful quote, which is the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And, you know, we just have to take into consideration if this goal has not worked for us once we should not be setting the same goal. It just leads to a lot of frustration. It leads to lower self confidence, it leads to reduced relationship with ourselves. And people really struggle with this one. So a lot of times when they come to me and talk about this, they also don't want to change the goal. They really want to stick to it. They're like, No, this is the year and they really want to believe it. And so I really have to try and get them to adjust the goal to be a little more personalized in that regard.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
So John, I think you're saying I shouldn't set a goal of being drafted by the National Basketball Association every year, right? Yeah. Okay, not. Maybe neighborhood league to start? That sounds good. I'll take.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, another one is, they make too ambitious of a change. So they might say weight loss, I see this a lot. They want to lose 50 pounds. They want to be the size that they were in high school, let's say. And the truth is, you know, it would be easier and much more realistic and much more compassionate. To set a goal. Maybe I'd like to lose five pounds, and not on a timeline just whenever I lose those five pounds as well as those five pounds. And instead of the 50 the ambitious goals really do tend to lead to a lack of motivation. Consequently, it's sort of like the more ambitious the goal the less the motivation is for people. It gets too overwhelming for people they feel too far away from the goal it feels like too much of a mountain to kind of climb and they wind up feeling more overwhelmed and more sedentary than usual. So that one gets abandoned pretty quick as well I found another one is I always find this interesting, you know, the using the new year as this sort of external source of motivation versus an internal source. If you ask the average person, you know, do you want to make x change at any given point in the year they might They, maybe but a New Year's for whatever reason they're like this is the time. And you know, the truth is we don't change as well, when we have an external as a motivator, we really need to be internally motivated in order to successfully keep and maintain a change. And so New Year's is a great example of an external motivator. But it doesn't last, the New Year fades really, really quickly or very quickly into like the slog of like January, February, March, and it fades. And so we really need to make sure that we are internally motivated in order to keep the change. And very often, you know, New Year's is is not enough of an external motivator, we really have to check in with ourselves and see is this something that I want to make a change with. The next thing is just kind of an obvious one that people tend to forget, which is that coming off the holiday season is not the greatest time to make the changes that we tend to make, it's usually something about exercise or weight loss or health habits. But if you're the average person, you've just come from a ton of like, holiday eating and kind of like this sedentary, you know, we're lazing around, because we've all had time off, and we all kind of feel gross, you know, we're out of our routines or out of our bio rhythms. And so saying, I'm going to jump into going to the gym every day, or I'm going to jump into losing all this weight is maybe not the best time to make that make that change, we've already got sort of an uphill battle just to get back to our normal sort of bio rhythms or normal sort of habits or normal weights. And so, I always find this one funny when people say like, oh, I gained so much weight over the holidays. So for the new year, I'm gonna lose X amount of weight, well, that's a pretty tough, you've already got some way to go here. So people kind of fail to consider that one too. And then the last one really is people forget to as a mistake to celebrate this, the progress along the way, people get very, very focused on the consequences, the, the endpoint, and they don't celebrate the steps along the way. So they lose their motivation. So this is a really good example of why by like March or April, they're kind of off the wagon. When I do the getting unstuck program with weight loss, I see this a lot where people say they want to lose 20 pounds. And then they come to me and they say, Well, I've lost two, that's not enough. And it's like, well, if you don't celebrate those two, then you don't feel motivated, you're still measuring up against what you haven't hit so far. And it just never feels good enough. And so people kind of feel like they're not doing well. They're not doing good enough. They're failing, they're behind. And so they forget to kind of celebrate those wins, they forget that they're actually on a path. It's just maybe a slower path, or a small baby steps sort of path.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Great. Well, that's a great overview of some things that people might be wanting to do differently making their New Year's resolutions. I just wanted to kind of start real broad for a sec, after you kind of talked about this. Should are there some people that potentially maybe shouldn't make New Year's resolutions? Or you know, or do you recommend that people always make New Year's resolutions?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
I don't say like some people, but I would look at kind of where they are in their life. The truth is, is that New Year's resolutions are based on change. And if you're a person that has trouble with change, historically, you set goals and you don't achieve them. You say you're going to do something and you don't you tend to procrastinate. It might be or you're just afraid of change for whatever reason you have trouble with it. It might not be wise to set a new year's resolution it might not be kind might not be considering again, who you really are. If you're a person that really likes to like you know, the challenge of you know, transformation, if you really like are inspired by goal setting, it might be right in line with with your personality and where you are. So for people who say that they want to do a New Year's resolution but have trouble with change, it might be helpful to look at why do I have so much trouble with change before you go ahead and make a goal like a New Year's resolution?
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Sounds like listening to intuition really listen deeply to yourself to see if that's appropriate. So let's say now your listener were you know, listening to this podcast and someone's like, yeah, it's going to be New Year soon. I want to make a New Year's resolution. How do you help your clients to form effective New Year's resolutions?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, good question. Um, so first of all, I would ask them why anytime anyone sets a goal, at least in my practice, I asked why the why is incredibly important here. If the why is because it's New Year's, or because I'm tired of being this way. Or because you know, all my friends are in a group and we're all going to do is fill in the blank challenge. It might not be the best why, if the why is I really want to feel better? If the why is, you know, I'm really excited about trying something new, you might be more prone to then succeed without resolution.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
So thinking of those internal versus external motivators, essentially, yes, always
Dr. Diane Gilman:
about the internals. That's where all the answers lie, in my opinion.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
So that's interesting. You said doing things in a group? Do you think that for some people, the friendship and the camaraderie of doing something together as an internal motivation, or do you feel like that is always external there?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah. So that's actually this is a good example of an external motivator that does work. Accountability. Okay. So anybody who's tried to make a change knows accountability is kind of what keeps us on track when we want to give up, right, so the more accountable people can be. But the the catch here is, you also have to be honest. So if you haven't done that, what you said you were going to do that day, it has to be a group that can sort of hold space for actually didn't do what I said I was going to do. And then they can kind of rally and help motivate you again, I have found that a lot of people in groups tend to like lie or slack off or just drop out because they have trouble feeling like they either can be honest, or that it's a space where they can be honest. And so the accountability then doesn't work for them.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Yeah. So it's got to be a group that with quality accountability that will tell them honestly, what's happening. Yeah. What are some other steps that you recommend for listeners here to kind of keep up with their resolutions.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
So first of all, it would make it measurable, the more we can see it visibly, the better off. So I always encourage people have charts have ChexSystems have, you know, things that you can check off, there are plenty of apps for this, put it someplace visual, put it on your bathroom mirror, put it on your fridge, tell other people so that you are a little more accountable, and then make it measurable. So you know, let's say it is weight loss. Every pound is you know, I lost a pound, this is great check. Every day, you've been to the gym, check every glass of water, you've done check. So that's the first one. The second one would be baby steps. A lot of people feel oh my gosh, when I slow people down on their goals, they really get frustrated. They want the big goals, they want the big change. But the truth is, it's like that. That fable like the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise is the one that wins. And so you know, when we're dealing with something like in the getting unstuck, program, weight loss, anyone I've worked with who's done that program is like, we go so slow, I might lose a pound every other week. And that you did that that's what that's what is stable. That's what helps maintain. So pick a goal that is, has baby steps, break it down into manageable steps that feel good for us. For example, if it is, let's say, I'd like to do yoga every day. And you haven't done yoga everyday in the past. Maybe start with what is the type of yoga that I like, maybe start there all the way back to basics, not even an actionable step. What's the type of yoga that I like? Maybe make sure you invest in some equipment, so you don't hurt yourself? Get some blokes get some straps, get some mats, and then figure out okay, what days does it work best in my schedule to do yoga, what time of day works best to do yoga, and then maybe start with one day and see how that feels, and then go forward. So people get really itchy, they, they don't want to take it that slow, they really want to change really quickly. But the truth is like the tortoise, that's the one that gets the long term sort of maintenance, which is when we're setting any goal maintenance is what we're really looking at. Also, you know, make it work in your life, a lot of people, you know, they think goals to be successful need time, or money. And those are things that people are generally short on sometimes. And so if you commit to I'm going to take this expensive gym class, or I'm going to, you know, meditate for an hour every day, but you're a person who tends to be busy, or maybe money is a little bit, you know, tough. That's not the best goal for you. Goals don't have to be in change doesn't have to be requiring time and money. It can really be just very, very simple. It can be just five minutes of meditation counts as meditation every day, a couple of deep breaths counts as relaxation every day. Some stretches can count as yoga every day, you don't have to go to like a fancy studio. And then the last one is really one of my favorite ones, which is a sankalpa setting a sankalpa rather than a New Year's resolution. So a sankalpa from my understanding, it's it's actually from Sanskrit. And it is basically bringing out more of what we already have so enhancing more of what we Do you have and it's not as quantifiable as a New Year's resolution or goal is. So an example of a son sankalpa would be, I'd like to have better health, or I'd like to have a better relationship with myself. I personally have set some culpas instead of resolutions for the last, I think this will be my seventh year. And it's been really amazing watching that guide. Some examples of past ones that I've done have been grace, or trust, or connect, or power. And so it just enhances more of what we already have. And then there's no chance that we're failing. In the same way. It really helps foster a good relationship with ourselves rather than a New Year's resolution that sort of timed with, you know, as the months go on, am I not doing and am I doing Am I slacking off. And it's a lot more compassionate have a way to kind of set a marker of change. It's also loose. You know, grace is unquantifiable. And so you can still do your checks like today was a graceful Yes, check. But it's also not like I have to work out for 30 minutes every single day, you know, there's no it's not the same setup, and there's not the same pressure.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
So it's really a almost a different worldview and a way of how how someone views life and their goals or you know, their their motivations and focus, right? Yeah. And
Dr. Diane Gilman:
also certainly a different internal worldview, right? Because we're looking at a quality of ourselves that we'd like to enhance. So yeah, instead of like, I'm a mean or judgmental person, then I'd like to stop that. It's like, I'd like to be more kind. It's enhancing what we are.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Okay, so having right something that's coming from the innate capabilities of ourselves, it's coming from it sounds like a mindset of abundance versus deficiency, is that. Okay, channel some Brene. Brown here on this.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, that's a great way to say that.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Um, so So let's actually dig into that for a second. Dig into that rabbit hole. Do you feel like people? I mean, again, this this might be a rabbit hole. But do you feel like St. culpas are healthier mentally, emotionally for us? Or do you feel like sometimes resolutions could be helpful for people?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
I think both on okay. I think that one's not necessarily healthier than the other. But if you're going about a New Year's resolution, trying to make yourself somebody that you're not, that's unhealthy. I'm always focused on people's relationships with themselves. It's the number one relationship that we will always have. And so setting a new year's resolution to change yourself into an ideal, rather than a realistic view of who you are, is damaging to that relationship. So if you can set a new year's resolution that works with who you already are, and accepting who you already are, because a lot of the resolutions come out of like a sense of disgust or disdain, or intolerance, like I don't like the way I am currently. And so I need to change. That's never a good jump off point. First of all, to maintain success, but second of all, to it really is disruptive to our relationships with ourselves. So in that sense, having a positive resolution, like a positive resolution setting process, and also the sankalpa would be healthier.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
This is kind of reminding me of a traditional Chinese medicine and the five elements, which is this idea of we're in iron VEDA, I think there's the doshas, right, there's this idea of there's some elements that you have, and it's like, part of you, and you're kind of embodying that, and just to strengthen that, you know, and to honor that, you know, that's so great. Well, getting back to that resolution question, I think a lot of people have a laundry list of resolutions that they want to achieve, you know, in a very short amount of time, like you said, how many resolutions is too many for people?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Very simple answer for me anything more than one?
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Okay, okay,
Dr. Diane Gilman:
I'm truly, I think we have a hard enough time with one. And if we are really trying to change, it does require a good deal of our focus and our intention. And so, you know, it's really hard to imagine it's almost like that image of like a waiter carrying a bunch of plates on a tray, like, eventually it crashes when you put too much on.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
I always wonder how they balance that. So hard. Gotta get an extra tip for that, I would say for sure. And, and also, I wonder if there's also this idea of multitasking that goes along with multiple resolutions, like, can you really multitask? Is that really what's happening? Or is that just a myth? You know?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah. I mean, you can get the answers not always effectively, right. I mean, again, here we're talking about change. If he wanted to change it needs to be effective. And so we can't take on too many things at once before we lose the effectiveness. is
Dr. Andrew Wong:
what do you think about seasonal resolutions where it's like once a quarter and you focus on one thing in a quarter, you kind of switch that based on the season and how you're evolving how that person is evolving?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
I think that's a great idea. I mean, the truth is a year is a really long time.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Yeah. Why did why does it have to be? Why does that have to be one thing for the whole year? Right?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah. Yeah. And the I mean, if you look at the data here, it speaks to that the amount of people who continually have Are you know, are working with and successfully in their resolutions by December, it falls to like I don't even though the percentage, but it's, it's it's extremely low. The amount of people who are in them in January is extremely high. It's just, we are not necessarily meant to have these year long goals as a really big goals. Now, if we were going to add on them, right, I'd like to lose a pound. And then I like to lose another pound, I'd like to do yoga once today, I'd like to do it two days a week, that might be a little better for maintenance. But the seasonal one is, in my opinion better because it's a shorter term goal. And ideally, if you were going to do something with the seasons, it might be the you know, dictated by whatever the season is. So the summer I'd like to get outdoors more if you live in a climate where you know, it's better outdoors in the winter, I'd like to really work with the lower light and make sure that I get to sleep on time, etc.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
I suppose if you live with the beach, the quarterly goal might be the same every day to go out to the beach.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah. Have you beautiful?
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Why do people dying? Why do people tend to fail when pursuing their resolutions? I think you kind of mentioned some of that before.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, I mean, mostly the top ones i I've covered. But I would just reiterate, you know, it's taking off, like too big of a thing to chew too big of a bite. It is making a goal that really isn't ideal, versus considerate of yourself. And it's making it too big. So it's too much of a goal to achieve. And then there's sort of like no celebration of the progress up until them. So you know, they've said they want to organize their whole house and they got two rooms done, but it doesn't matter, because the rest of the house system messy kind of thing.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's so true. And I love how you said that people don't take time to celebrate what they've already kind of gone through on their journey. And they're just looking to the next thing. I think that's one of the things that's, you know, happens a lot. What do you recommend if someone's getting to like April or May or something and they realize they've fallen off track? How do people get back on track with the resolutions? If they want to continue pursuing that?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah. So the first thing I would say is maybe don't get back on track. I mean, if you've fallen back on track, there's a good sign, it wasn't the right goal for you to begin with. Or maybe get back on the same goal. But don't do it the same way. You know, so don't go back to the same gym or don't eat the same foods or don't, you know, use the same home organization service, you might need to change it up. Again, people don't love change, and they don't love the idea that they have to like edit things out. So we just tend to do the same things over and over and over again and expect the same results. So are different results. So yeah, I would say first step would be evaluate, was this the goal for you? Second step, why did you fall off and try to do that very non judgmentally very objectively, because the more objective, we look at this, the better, we're gonna be able to problem solve, how to get back on, a lot of people will take this step with a lot of judgment with a lot of criticism with a lot of blame. And there goes our relationship with ourselves again, we really need to be objective here so that we can support ourselves if it's the goal that's right for us. And also, you know, I say this all the time. So if any of my clients are listening, they're probably so tired of me saying this, but like, we're all human beings, right? So we're all like, flawed, and we're all like, beautiful, and we're all like, you know, we all fall off the wagon, we all try to get back on sometimes we don't again, you know, we all have a spectrum of emotions, that's really, really healthy for us, we get depressed, we get anxious, we get angry. All of that stuff kicks us out of the flow sometimes. And so, you know, we just have to be graceful with ourselves and say, that was kind of a human moment. And can I how can I let myself back on so that I can continue on with my goal.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
I think this image of falling off the wagon, which I use a lot as well, I wonder who came up with that, you know, is it like going to the Oregon Trail or something, you know, the whip Baggins. I almost think goals are like, this funny image came into my head of an electronic riding bull, you know, like, you go into this saloon and you have this bowl and then it's like impossible to stay on. It throws people off, you know, and I feel like sometimes we just try to keep on writing that bowl and it throws us off and it's like we keep on trying this Same thing, the same goal, same intensity level, without changing things, I think it goes back to what you said about, you know, Einsteins insanity of trying the same thing over and over expecting the same result. So maybe we do need to change that goal or even how the sankalpa it sounds like,
Dr. Diane Gilman:
maybe yeah. Or just even basically ask yourself like, do you actually want to change? And really, really honestly try and hear that answer? Because the truth is, sometimes the answer is no. And one of my most favorite stories comes out of that getting unstuck program where I was with a woman who wanted to lose weight, and she tried her whole life to lose weight. She was in her 60s, since she was a little kid, she had been dieting, and we got to the third and final session, because three sessions and she looked at me and she said, You know what, I don't think I want to lose weight. That's fine. And I was like, This is amazing, then like your work here is done. And so sometimes we just, you know, do even want to change to begin with, are you doing it? Because it's the zeitgeist of the time? Yeah, everybody's focused on change. You know, we tend to take things in year quantities. 2022 was this and so we want 2023 to be this. Maybe you don't want to change and maybe that's perfectly okay.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
I love that. Thank you so much for that affirmation. If there was one resolution that you thought most people could benefit from what what do you think that would be? Always save the best for last you know?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
That, you know, that's a tricky one. Because it's very hard to say like, what people will stick to and what they won't. I would say, maybe more awareness. Oh, it sounds like a kind of a loose and very like undirected goal. But awareness is the key to change, we cannot change that which we cannot see. So anything that fosters awareness, whether it is you know, just self reflection, whether it could be meditation, it could be journaling, it could be just take a you know, a drive or a walk in silence, it could be therapy, it could be talking to a friend, anything where we are able to be introspective and really get a good look at our habits, will ultimately then indirectly foster the change that we're seeking.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
It sounds like true movement evolves from stillness and awareness. The awareness of that. Yeah.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, that's a good way to say that's a very poetic way to save. I'm
Dr. Andrew Wong:
working on that for the last five seconds. But yeah, anyway. So Diane, we do ask people about this closing question we have now you mentioned before, about, you know, some people had don't have the time or the money for different things. But what is one thing under $20? That has changed your health personally, for the better?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Yeah, so my original answer was going to be my morning and evening routines, which are so sacred, and they help set the tone of my day helped me unwind, but I talked about them in the last podcast. Yeah. Go listen,
Dr. Andrew Wong:
there. Go listen.
Dr. Diane Gilman:
So my new answer is actually ceremonial cacao. Um, I found that using ceremonial cacao, in cacao ceremonies or in meditation actually enhances the quality of my meditation. And it's filled with all of these good little neuro chemicals like Theo bromide, which are, and Ananda mine, which are like joy and bliss, you know, neuro chemicals, and it really opens up the heart space, and it helps you to get to know yourself better. And, for me, it makes my meditations much more vivid. So I've been able to really get a lot of insight and answers I started about a year ago. And it's been a really beautiful practice so you can order it online. And it's much less than $20 a serving.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Good. I'll have to check that out. That's really great. I like chocolate. So definitely some real quick ceremonial cacao sounds really delicious. I thought you were gonna say chicken parmesan, but I think it's another thing. chicken farmers. So chicken parmesan. Yes. Well, thank you so much, Dan, for coming on again today for round two. love to have you back for we'll talk about some other fun topics of course, as this podcast keeps on moving along the Oregon Trail here, the wagon. how can listeners learn more about you and work with you?
Dr. Diane Gilman:
Oh, yes, so they can go on my website which is Center for Mind Body health.com Or there's a link to it on the capital integrative website. My profile is also on Psychology Today, which is a database up there. I currently am at the end. I'm very excited. I have a very long wait list. I've never had one before but I had wondering COVID Because specializing in chronic pain and chronic illness definitely leads to a lot more clients during COVID. So I have a very short wait at this point and they can contact me and let me know why they like to be on the waitlist and I'll add them and get to them as soon as possible. Great.
Dr. Andrew Wong:
Thank you so much, Sam, for coming on today. Thank you for having me soon. Okay, bye. Thank you for taking the time to listen to us today. If you enjoyed this conversation, please take a moment to leave us review. It helps our podcasts to reach more listeners. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss our next episodes and conversations. And thank you so much again for being with us.